I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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