I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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