I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
