i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
