At least make sure they are 18
Why
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
