God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
