Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
