Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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