They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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