No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
