I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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