And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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