I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize