Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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