Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
