I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize