she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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