he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
