you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
