Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
