Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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