the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize