she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
