If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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