is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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