Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
