So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize