do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
