More tranny stories later!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
