I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
