You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just sucked dick on a ferry
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
