I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
