i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
