nut hugger
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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