i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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