So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
