my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
