i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
