Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
