Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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