my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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