Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
