Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
