Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize