either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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