And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
