grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
