u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
