I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
hotel room ftw
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
