morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
