i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
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