nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
it's like iHOP with fire
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
