So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
