Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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