Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
even my farts smell like vagina
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
