Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
