Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
