Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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