While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
