I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
