We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
