They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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