I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
