So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
