you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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