You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
